Weido and Cranky have found a new way to spend the money they get from the EU thanks to me : travel the world. They figured that, since I landed them paid leave until I’m one year old, they can just use the time to take me to the noisiest places in the world. Starting with India.
That photo was taken inside a temple. Those are quiet enough. But the streets ! They’re insane. There’s only one rule : honk and go go go. They mare me ride in one of them spluttering little yellow tuktuk and I felt like a frog in a blender for half an hour. And guess where we were going? A freaking concert! Weirdo and Cranky must really love noise.
On the plus side, I seem to have levelled up to “superstar” mid-flight. Everyone is smiling at me. Some people wave, children run after me. One of them pinched my cheeks. At the concert, I even got Weirdo and Cranky a seat upgrade. Those cheap suckers had bought the cheapest ticket and were sitting on planks. A well dressed lady offered them to sit on armchairs. They declined, of course. Armchairs seem to be too sophisticated for those two retards.
I’ll tell you more about all this later. Weirdo is coming out of the bathroom and will probably yank the computer from me.
One good night sleep was just what I needed to relax a bit. My first day was really frantic, and I’m glad Weirdo and Cranky are keeping it a couple of notches quieter after the tantrum I threw them in the evening. So, what happened so far?
On that first day, we arrived very early and showed up to our host’s place. But the door bell wasn’t loud enough to wake them up and we had to hide the stuff on the roof of the building and went off to the beach. It was a nice 1 hour walk, I shamelessly dosed off while Weirdo was carrying me. I woke up on the sea front. Continue reading Walk on the beach in Chenai
So Weirdo and Cranky went to this shitty, sorry, I mean cheap food joint earlier. Normally I would just sit on a chair and mind my own business while they gobbled up the fatty-spicy stuff they like to eat. But this place didn’t have chairs, just stools. And, I must confess that stools give me the creeps. Nothing to hold on to… Not my kind of stuff.
You’d expect they’d move to another place, but they just sat down and Cranky put me down on her lap, and they ordered away. In came a big banana leaf full of really colorful stuff. I just wanted to get the feel of the pancake-type thing in the middle, but I must have accidentally grabbed the banana leaf and pulled it towards the edge of the table. Continue reading I’m being kidnapped, nobody cares.
So Weirdo and Cranky went to some hippie movie theatre in Auroville tonight. The film wasn’t much fun, but I got to play with Anna. Anna is a friend of theirs with curly red hair that I like a lot and I think she likes me all right. She walks around everywhere with that shady boyfriend that hasn’t even bothered to pinch my cheeks ever. I just ignore the dude.
When it was over, the two lunatics wanted to go home and found that it was nighttime. And Auroville is quite a bit from Pondicherry. So, instead of calling a taxi like any sane person would, they decided to hitchhike the dark highway at the toll gate.
This evening, my cheeks are irritated from all the pinching I got throughout the day. At one point, I just passed from arms to arms in a group of six. I found out a few days ago that, to switch arms, all I have to do is aim at the next target and open my arms. I practiced the technique a lot today. It turns out people just love when I switch to them. Keeping everyone happy wasn’t easy. I’m not sure I can do that every day.
I was beginning to think that the whole day was going to suck when we got our Golden Ride. It was 14:00, we were hitchhiking since 8, and had only gotten one single respectable ride to a temple town called Chidambaram. A very noisy temple. Many people were celebrating a political victory of one kind or another by blowing up hundreds upon hundreds of firecrackers.
But the hitching wasn’t very good. People kept stopping on their motorcycle to explain to us how to get to the bus station. When we managed to get across the fact that we were hitching, they usually underwent a little culture shock and went on explaining that it was absolutely sure not to work. I really liked it when someone stopped to pick us up right at that moment. Continue reading Temple run
We took a night train yesterday. Everybody except me thought it would save a night at the hotel. I just hate to be right all the time. The berths that were reserved for us were all occupied. It took two railway employees and one hour to get the squatters out. Was a bit nasty too because the train was packed and they had to huddle, all six of them, on the only two berth they had reserved for real. There was a kid twice my age that couldn’t keep himself from wailing every half hour so I had a only a little bit of sleep. Cranky wasn’t so lucky. When she walked, hem, stormed out of the train, she headed straight to the bus station with the intention on booking a bus home or something. Weirdo said something nasty and they stopped talking to each other. At least she didn’t go book a bus ticket home. Continue reading Muslim converts and golden rides
Instead of going to the beach-place that the local tourism authority had set up especially for visitors like us, Weirdo and Cranky (and Anna and Anton) decided to go to the nearest one, that’s mainly used as fisherman’s-boat-parking. After wading through the beached boats, Weirdo and Anton stripped their clothes and jumped in the water that had the color of diarrhea. “That’s just because the sand is orange” said Weirdo. Yeah right. Guess where he is as I’m writing this. That’s right, on the toilet, like every half hour. Continue reading Trip to the beach
After travelling for almost 24 hours (it was awesome! Hitching, buses… All through the night), we found ourselves in the mountains. For the first time actually. We always stayed in the plains before, I don’t know why.
The mountain is cool. First of all, no mosquitoes! That rocks. It’s a bit cold but I can live with it. And the silence… A deafening silence. I thought it didn’t exist in this country! I suppose it’s to avoid tipping off the tigers. It’s a tiger reserve here. Continue reading John of the jungle